Answer: I got drilled in the abdomen six times. However, the good news is that in exchange for those intrusions, I had my hiatal hernia repaired and relocated. Here is the Cliff Notes version of how that went down literally:
Friday morning at 5:30 I checked into the Reston Surgery Center in Virginia. The purpose of my visit was to prep for a 7:30 procedure to have laparoscopic surgery performed on what some medical folks have claimed to be the most massive hiatal hernia that they have ever seen. Just my luck to have something large in or on my body, and it is a massive hiatal hernia, not exactly something you want to be dragging around.
The three hour plus surgery went smoothly and I was in recovery by early Friday afternoon. Granted, I was a hurting puppy but some tylenol and morphine chased my pain and blues away and brought me back around. My surgeon advised me “to get a little rest and then we will see about getting you out of here.” I was thinking “Ok, piece of cake. I’ll be home for the Derby.”
It seems however, that the hospital gurus have figured out a way to ensure that their visitors get as little rest as possible. It is almost as if they have sat down with a schedule and mapped it out such that every 15 – 20 minutes someone is going to come into your room and bug you. At all hours of the day and throughout the night the “Vitals Folks” and “Meds People” for example will hit you up quite frequently; the “Blood Person” will pay you a call. During the day, housekeeping visits to clean your room, a physical therapist comes by, a priest or minister will drop in, the nutritionist wants to know what flavor jello I want in my liquid diet meal. While staying in a hospital, it seems that you get to see just about everybody except a Doctor. (They do a quick daily hit and run and that ‘s it for them.)
But hey I’m not complaining, any operation survived at this point in life is a good one, and I’m just glad to be back home here in the Point on this rainy and bleary Cinco de Mayo. Now if I can just get these six holes to heal back up.
Music-wise, I always think of this tune whenever I am in a hospital. It is Marianne’s original version and lyrics. Mick changed some of the lyrics in subsequent takes:
P.S. If I haven’t grossed you out enough already talking about the six holes in my chest, here is a video that contains some actual footage of a hiatal hernia surgery. Just what you need to see with your Monday morning coffee.