One of the better man-walks-into-a-bar joke/stories I’ve heard involved a gruff/tough bartender – say a little like Buzzy. The joke goes:
Guy walks up to the bar and tells the bartender “I bet you $50 I can pee into that ashtray at the end of the bar.” The old guy says “OK let’s see you try and do it.” The guy drops his pants, takes aim and lets fly well short of the ash tray. He pays the $50 to the bartender who laughs and says “That was an easy $50. What the hell were you thinking?” The guys points over to a table where his four buddies are all moaning and groaning and says, “I just bet each of them $100 that I could piss on your bar and you wouldn’t be upset about it.”
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
A rabbi, a priest, and a Lutheran minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Is this some kind of joke?”
So, Thomas Edison walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Okay, I’ll serve you a beer, just don’t get any ideas.”
A skeleton walks into a bar and says to the bartender “Give me a beer and a mop.
Then there was the dyslexic man who walked into a bra.
E-flat walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
A pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. Bartender asked him “Do you know there’s a steering wheel in your pants?” The pirate replied, “Ay matey and it’s driving me nuts.”
Man walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables around his neck and orders a beer. The bartender says “OK I’ll serve you, just don’t go starting anything.”
A blind man walks into a bar and orders a drink. While the bartender is pouring it he says to her, “Want to hear a joke?” and she says, “OK.”
He starts: “So there’s this blonde…”
“Okay, hold on” says the bartender. “I can see you’re blind so I’m gonna do you a favor here. Just so you know, I’m a blonde. The manager is a blonde. The bouncer is a blonde, and there’s a good friend of mine by the window there, she’s a black belt in karate, she’s a blonde too. There’s a couple of biker chicks at a table nearby, both blondes. So, you just have to think about that and ask yourself: do you really want to tell that joke?”
She gives him his drink and he says “Well, uh, I guess not. I don’t wanna have to explain it six times.”
And finally – Jesus walks into a bar and says, “I’ll just have a glass of water.”
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