With Pope Benedict having retired, I sent him the following offer:
Dear Pope Ben Done (isn’t this a better title for him than this Pope Emeritus business?)
Now that you are retired and have some time on your hands, I would like to offer you a position to become the Official Welcomer/Door Greeter at Buzzy’s Country Store. As a seasonally dependent business, I couldn’t pay you much but I’m sure you could make a buck or two selling tourists blessings and Pope memorabilia. (I always liked the Pope Soap on a rope item and am sure that they would be a good seller for us at Buzzy’s.)
Regarding living arrangements for you, I have an apartment upstairs that I could retrofit with an outside balcony so you could stand out there and look down at the Buzzy parking lot. Bad news is, you would have to share the apartment with Chief Larry but he’s not there that much and besides, he would be a good roommate for you. Also, Buzzy’s has a 4 O’clock Club that I think you would enjoy. (They talk a lot of fishing stories but with you as the ultimate fisher of men, you would fit right in.)
I’m sure you are flooded with other job offers, but think this one over and get back to me preferably soon so I can start on the balcony renovations for you. Take care.
Regarding Ben’s successor, have you seen this Malachy Prophecy thing? It predicts that our next pope will be our last one. Then check out this summary sent to me from Paula Mitchell. (Malachy’s Turkson is in the lower right bracket.)
