As suggested in the above cartoon one of the byproducts of 2020 being such a lousy year may well be that we won’t be seeing alot of those obnoxious Christmas brag letters. You know what I’m talking about – the 2-3 page missives that tell you every annoying little event that transpired during the past year in the lives of people you mostly don’t give two shits about.
My mother last year decided that she would tactfully degrade those who feel it is necessary to write “brag” letters. She decided last year to sit down and discuss our immediately family in depth. The letter started with the fact that she was sitting in front of the fireplace drinking a bottle of wine. I quote, “Tis the season to drink straight from the bottle.” She proceeded to talk about her new Lexus that she took out a 7-year note on and if she was lucky she would make the first payment within 90 days of its due date. From there she talked about how thankful she was to have refinanced her home to pull all of the cash out to stock up on the vodka she would need to survive the holiday season. From there she spoke of her children as though we were “objects of her affection.” She talked about me and how I was a mortgage broker and how she couldn’t help but question if I was that or just someone trafficking in illegal substances. If that was the case she was hoping I would be so kind as to give her a discount. Then there was my sister who proceeded to climb the corporate ladder. She was so grateful one of her children took the right avenue in life and was sleeping her way to the top. From there it was off to my brother who “God love him” is still remodeling his trailer for him and his girlfriend and the five children that they had out of wedlock. To this she added that “I really hope they have a couple more of those things they can not afford.” Along with this she reminded everyone that she just refinanced to buy the alcohol and she wouldn’t be able to pull more cash out for another six months or so. All and all it was a huge hit with our immediately family. Pertaining to our extended family this didn’t go over so well. Last year it wasn’t necessary to attend any Christmas functions and I along with my siblings are encouraging a letter equally as offensive this year. Happy Holidays!