Haven’t Had Sex In So Long Jokes

When it comes to different forms of barroom humor and jokes, one of the sillier, but still very funny categories, involves those husband jokes about not having had any sex with the wife.

Think of Norm from Cheers saying things like this:

“My wife Vera and I haven’t had sex in so long I’ve forgotten which one of us wears the handcuffs.”

Other examples follow and yes, I may have heard something similar said occasionally in Buzzy’s Country Store:

“I haven’t had sex in so long I went to the playground and got on the see saw just to remember how it felt to go up and down with something in between my legs.”

“They say that make up sex is the best, which is lucky for me because all of my sex is made up.”

“My wife let me remove all of her clothes last night, From the dryer.”

And probably the most infamous example of the married-and-no-sex jokes is the R-rated “Three Stages of Sex” joke (click here.) (Note that this one has been told several times in Buzzy’s where most of the clientele skews a little older.)

Of course the master of these types of jokes was the No Respect fella himself – Rodney:

Only 1 song seems most appropriate to pass along here. When the Stones first performed this song on Shindig in 1965 the line “trying to make some girl” was censored (03:00 mark in video.) Ironically enough however, forty some years later at the Super Bowl, they did 3 songs at halftime and the only one not censored then was Satisfaction (click here.) Times do change some I guess.

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