Sounds more like five reasons NOT to want to drink there doesn’t it? Reason Number 1 alone “Red Sox @ 4:00” would be enough to make me want to double time past the place.
But you know it’s a bad list of reasons to drink there, when “Cat-like Reflexes” is probably the most persuasive entry on it. That one might just be intriguing enough to venture in and see if it’s accurate.
(P.S. I tried to ascertain what “Ermagerrrd” is referring to. However, after wandering down far too many Google cul-de-sacs of what it could be, gave up. Video game, bar stool, OMG-variation? Let me know if you know.)